Daddies need support too...

I was just thinking about the fact that the men often get left behind when a loss of pregnancy happens. Even when people are concerned, it is usually with the woman. I'm not saying people shouldn't be concerned. But the men have lost a baby as well. They may have lost hope and faith. They not only have to deal with their loss, but also are in a place to best comfort the woman in their life.
Let us not forget those to-be Daddies. I am blessed to have a very supportive husband. Sometimes I need to remember that he is going through all this loss and infertility and roller coaster of hopes that I am. God bless him.

Steps in Life

I've started taking fertility medicine. Never thought I would. I'm not sure why it never really seemed like a choice to me until now. It gives me hope, but it also makes me scared. What if this doesn't work? What if it does help me to get pregnant but I lose the baby? I pray that when I do get pregnant again that everything will be good with the pregnancy. I pray that I will have a healthy baby and that we will both be good. I could wait ten more years if I could be sure that the next pregnancy I have would work out.
 It is hard. It is scary. I was blessed to have my first positive pregnancy test end with my daughter joining our family. Since then I have been on a six year roller coaster that included an emergency surgery for an ectopic pregnancy, a D&C after a missed pregnancy, and many, many, many false pregnancy tests. It is hard to leave that behind. You can't, and maybe even shouldn't, leave it totally behind.I think those things would, unfortunately, be the first things that came to my mind if I see a positive pregnancy test.
 I pray for strength and peace. For the knowledge that Heavenly Father loves and watches over me. That He knows what I need in my life and what the future holds a lot better than I do. That he is watching over the little ones that have to leave so early and the ones that are still waiting to come.

You never know...

So, just as I never knew so much about miscarriages and D and C's, I never knew so many women had endometriosis until I found out I was one of them. In fact, I'd never even heard of it before. So many women suffering in silence. We feel so alone sometimes, if only there was an easy way to know that there are others out there feeling the same way.
 Here is my announcement: I have endometriosis. It is painful and frustrating and lonely. It is ever present, reaccuring, a constent reminder.
 But...I have a name for what I have now. And with a name comes choices, friends, and sometimes hope. I must admit, I don't have this condition as badly as some others I know. But, I can still feel some of what they must feel. I can still be there.
 You never know who has felt the burden you are feeling. You never know who is also feeling it at this moment. You are not alone.

"Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me." 1 Nephi 21:16 Book of Mormon - and Isaiah 49:16 Bible KJV

Surgery done...

Well, I had my surgery. The doctor said the next three to six months is "the best time to get pregnant". I guess before the stuff starts coming back. So I should excercise and "de-stress" my life so that it is easier to get pregnant.
 It kind of makes me feel like this is my last chance...

Surgery

I'm going in for a diagnostic laperoscopy next month to determine if I have endemetriosis. (I can't even spell it) I'm just relieved to have a step to take.

We are not alone

I was talking to a friend the other day who has been through a loss of pregnancy and I never knew it. We have more sisters in this than we know. We need to remember we're not alone, but also to remember to watch what we say, because you never know who may be hurting right now.

Don't forget, we are not alone. These are two scriptures in which Christ is speaking.
Isaiah 49:15-16
Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet I will not forget.
Behold, I have engraven thee upon the palms of my hands; they walls are continually before me.

We will not forget our children, and even more (though that's hard to comprehend) He will not forget us.

Due Date

My family and I went out for the day on my old due date. It was good to plan it ahead and have something to look forward to on that day. I think too many times the loss of a pregnancy is treated as so common that it is not a big deal. I think doing what it takes to heal is always important. I was glad to be able to appreciate all the good things in my life on Nov. 10th: family, faith, and hope.