I've started taking fertility medicine. Never thought I would. I'm not sure why it never really seemed like a choice to me until now. It gives me hope, but it also makes me scared. What if this doesn't work? What if it does help me to get pregnant but I lose the baby? I pray that when I do get pregnant again that everything will be good with the pregnancy. I pray that I will have a healthy baby and that we will both be good. I could wait ten more years if I could be sure that the next pregnancy I have would work out.
It is hard. It is scary. I was blessed to have my first positive pregnancy test end with my daughter joining our family. Since then I have been on a six year roller coaster that included an emergency surgery for an ectopic pregnancy, a D&C after a missed pregnancy, and many, many, many false pregnancy tests. It is hard to leave that behind. You can't, and maybe even shouldn't, leave it totally behind.I think those things would, unfortunately, be the first things that came to my mind if I see a positive pregnancy test.
I pray for strength and peace. For the knowledge that Heavenly Father loves and watches over me. That He knows what I need in my life and what the future holds a lot better than I do. That he is watching over the little ones that have to leave so early and the ones that are still waiting to come.
